I filmed my miscarriages

t also presents a rare glimpse into the father’s perspective of experiencing loss and the emotional fallout and struggle experienced by many couples following a miscarriage.

It makes for powerful, unapologetically honest and at times, heartbreaking viewing.

In one harrowing scene, viewers see tears streaming down David’s face as he is forced to leave Lisa in hospital while she has the remains of their unborn child removed from her body.

Many of the clips are filmed at times of despair and heartache – but as the documentary progresses, these turn into ones of joy and excitement.

Despite the fact miscarriage is remarkably common – affecting one in four women – it is a subject still shrouded in stigma and silence.

Speaking to MailOnline, Lisa, now 41, said: ‘We need to be able to talk about miscarriage to make sure people get the support they need. That is why I wanted to share our story, and the story of many.

‘There is nothing that can ever prepare you for the loss you feel – and will feel forever.

‘Before it happens you don’t realise just how sad it is – and how it can affect you for life.

‘Losing a child changes you as a person. As soon as you become pregnant you are aware of the risk of miscarriage, but you still imagine what the baby will look like and give it a name.’

Lisa had suffered two miscarriages in her 20s, before she met David, but had not been worried about them as she was so young.

But this time, aged 37 and having set her heart on becoming a mother, it was very different.

‘I was so shocked at what had happened – it was horrific. Life had already changed – I was pregnant, we were planning the future and thinking about being a mummy and daddy.

‘Then suddenly, in the space of a few hours, we were no longer going to be parents.

‘But how could we ever change back to the way we were before?

‘I became obsessed with what had happened – I had to find out why it had occurred.’

Devastated and searching for answers, Lisa, a freelance travel journalist and TV producer, quickly realised there was little support out there for women in her situation.

Through online groups on Mumsnet and Facebook, she made contact with other women who had lost an unborn child.

‘Some of their stories were incredible,’ she said. ‘One woman already had three children but had endured 15 miscarriages.

‘It makes you think “would you have stopped?” and where do you draw the line? It’s so difficult and there’s always that nagging voice of “do we give it one more go?”

A key problem, she says, is that if you miscarry before 12 weeks, very few people know about the baby.  ‘There’s a cult of silence before the 12-week scan’, she says.

And she admits until the age of 35, she wasn’t in a rush to start a family.

‘I always thought children would be in my future – and then after my miscarriage in January 2011 I really, really wanted a child. I thought “will I ever become a mum”?

Lisa met her husband now 52-year-old David Kirk, a counsellor, 16 years ago.

The couple were together for 10 ‘fun-packed’ years together before marrying in November 2010 – and were delighted when she became pregnant just two months later in January 2011.

Following the loss of their child two months later – and aware this was her third miscarriage –  the documentary shows Lisa undergoing tests to ascertain if there is an underlying reason why.

Desperate for answers, she decides to pay for private investigations with a leading miscarriage expert Dr Hassan Shehata, at the Centre for Reproductive Immunology and Pregnancy in London.

To her relief, tests reveal there is a problem with her body.

Dr Shehata explains she has an exceptionally high level of natural killer (NK) cells. The theory is that these cause the immune system to attack the embryo as if it were a foreign body.

Yet there is a potentially simple solution – a controversial but increasing well-known treatment called intralipids.

This is a mix of soya-bean oil, egg yolk, glycerine and water – which it’s said can suppress the immune system.

The theory is that the intralipids have a stabilising effect on cell membranes, which makes it harder for the killer cells to attack and go on to cause implantation failure and miscarriage.

But there are also heavy doses of steroids required, and the documentary follows Lisa as she battles common side-effects such as mood swings and the so-called ‘moon face’.

Weeks later, the couple are overjoyed to discover she is pregnant again.

But as anyone who has suffered a miscarriage can attest – pregnancy becomes an anxious wait, rather than a time of anticipation.

‘Having one miscarriage ruins every pregnancy you ever have – you  can never relax,’ Lisa told MailOnline.

‘Every twinge and symptom means you worry something might be wrong.

‘If you’ve been having sickness and been feeling rubbish – and then if you wake up feeling fine you’re terrified it’s a terrible sign that something has gone wrong.

‘Every milestone becomes hedged with “if I’m still pregnant” and “if he/she is still alive”.

Tragically, there is more bad news to come.

A six-week scan reveals the baby is not growing as it should be – and the couple face an agonising two week wait until the next one.

Over time, viewers see Lisa driven to the edge with the despair of the situation.

Crying in front of the camera, she admits in a heartbreaking candid post: ‘My only one wish of this pregnancy was that if it was going to go wrong, it would go wrong sooner rather than later.

‘Last time it was nearly 12 weeks and even though it was only tiny, I had to practically give birth, suffer contractions for two days – every three minutes one day.

‘I couldn’t stand up, I couldn’t walk or talk and I had to pass the sac a few days later.

She goes on: ‘I’m just fed up with it now. At the moment I’m pregnant but not pregnant.

‘I don’t even want to be pregnant any more – I just want to be normal again. I don’t even know if I like children!’

And her worst fears are confirmed a short time later when she miscarries for the fourth time.

This time, she must have the remains of her unborn child removed from her womb under general anaesthetic – a procedure known as an Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception (ERPC).

In another heartbreaking scene, devoted David is filmed dropping her off at hospital before breaking down in tears at the steering wheel.

Dressed in his work suit, he admits to the camera: ‘I’ve just Left Lisa in the hosptial, which was one of the most emotional things I’ve ever had to do.’

Catching his breath as he begins to cry, he says: ‘It’s all so bloody sad – and I’m totally against filming all of this anyhow – and then I go and film it – because it’s some of the strongest emotions I’ve ever had  in my life. It’s so important to us. And now I’ve got to go to f***ing work’.

Finally, a few months later, there is joy for the couple – when Lisa becomes pregnant for the fifth time.

And just weeks later, having undergone intralipid therapy once again, the documentary captures her outside Dr Shehata’s office beaming with joy, having just seen the baby’s heartbeat.

But conscious this is the first time she has seen one, life for the couple becomes yet another agonising wait for each scan.

‘It’s an absolutely terrifying time,’ says Lisa. ‘Life is moving at a slower pace than it has ever moved. Eight days between scans feels like a lifetime.’

To their joy – and utter relief, this time each scan brings progress – and signs Lisa is carrying a healthy baby.

Emotional scenes capture her on holiday in Spain, sporting the baby bump she feared so many times she would never have.

At 31 weeks, she allows herself to start feeling excited – as she and David move house in preparation for their long-awaited arrival.

Yet a glimpse of the Moses basket and tiny baby clothes are still trigger anxious thoughts for Lisa.

‘Looking at this baby stuff makes me so scared that we will come home with no baby – or something will go wrong and these things won’t be used.’

Thankfully, the next scene shows her cradling her son Sebastian, born by Caesarean section in July 2012 – and the couple’s joy is clear to see.

Lisa went on to suffer a further miscarriage at eight weeks – but on December 23rd last year, Sebastian became a big brother Elliot, who was brought home on Christmas Day.

Now, Lisa hopes her and David’s story will help others who have faced – or will endure – the agony of losing an unborn child.

She said: ‘I suffered five miscarriages – but even one is devastating. I want to get people talking about this issue to realise they are not alone.’

First Heartbeat will be shown on October 15 at 10pm on TLC – and repeated on October 17th at 9pm, October 19th at 9pm and October 28th at 10pm